You Can't Spell mfer Without me fr
I watched Mad Men for the first time. Moreover, I watched the entire first season in 24 hours. These are my running thoughts.
The only aim of art is how well it can reflect its audience, and right out of the gate I can tell this will be a light-hearted romp about how Don Draper becomes redeemable.
don contemplating driving his car in front of a train
damn this mfer just like me fr
When I'm in traffic on the road by my house I purposely stop on the train tracks.
pervert child is asking for this lady's hair
damn this mfer just like me fr
When I was 10, I had a very attractive high school babysitter, and I asked if I could have a pair of her socks... which is a normal thing to do! Do not shame the pervert child.
don getting into the office late, doing 15 minutes of work and then leaving for lunch
damn this mfer just like me fr
I can always tell how sad I am by what time I eat lunch, and there was a period where I couldn't even make it to 10am.
this man getting pouty that someone else got something published
damn this mfer just like me fr
I find it very unfair that someone who has the fortitude to complete a project, and push through the tedium in the long-term instead of just never starting it in the first place can find success.
a whole damn plate of fig newtons with milk before bed
damn this mfer just like me fr
Obviously, fig newtons are era-specific but if you replaced those with chicharrónes or boiled peanuts it would be a chapter out of my memoir.
— ＷＥＴ ＡＲＭＡＤＩＬＬＯ (@BauceSauce) July 19, 2021
Don trying so hard for people to not realize he's a dick
damn this mfer just like me fr
No comment.
pete proudly running errands/doing returns for your wife
damn this mfer just like me fr
I know when every store opens, and I'm the best at it. I also know the pros and cons of each shipping store, and what the carriers around us require
- Pak Mail by Publix charges for tape.
- UPS Store workers know me and don't charge for tape.
- The USPS inside the hardware store by our house can't do QR Codes so you have to print the label at home.
- The Kohl's by us no longer staffs someone at the dedicated Amazon station at the back, so you have to do them at the returns counter, which means that you need to go during off-peak hours, but also there's a Sephora in there.
getting yelled at for doing something dumb
damn this mfer just like me fr
Peter, that's every day of my life, brother. The worst was when I did an offhanded "interview" (gchat) with drew for Noisey about Rap Squats at 2am, and then the entire West Coast got very mad at me.
eating way too much at lunch
damn this mfer just like me fr
I like to do this thing where I have a "big lunch" so that I don't have to eat a "big dinner" later, but first I have a "big breakfast" then later I have a "big dinner."
Editor's Note: I was actually going to post this after lunch today but I had three mole enchiladas with rice and beans, and got back to my office and slept for 3.5 hours. I set it up airport style where I sat in one chair and turned the other chair towards me so I could have my feet supported. I have never told a lie, online.
roger getting winded walking up the stairs
damn this mfer just like me fr
Ever since I started working from home, and couldn't walk around downtown/play basketball during lunch I run out of breath trying to tie my shoe.
throwing up in front of your employer
damn this mfer just like me fr
Our sales manager lives in South Africa, and once a year he comes back to the US for a few weeks to visit his wife's family, and so my boss planned a WorkGolf outing at a very nice private course, but we got rained out 3 holes in. Plan B was "Go back to my boss's house and drink high ABV beers our Project Manager brought from Charleston," which is something I am no longer built for. The next day when we were driving the hour back to town, I told my boss to pull over and vomited out the window down the side of his Porsche before he could stop. I had to use the last bit of water in my bottle to wash the puke off because I wasn't sure what stomach acid did to Agate Grey Metallic paint.
having my love of ham weaponized against me
damn this mfer just like me fr
Why would God create ham, but require me to be on Crestor to enjoy it?
betty taking things way too far over a grievance
damn this mfer just like me fr
I firmly believe that overreacting is the only way to handle an affront. In college, the guys who lived in the room next to us kept leaving beer bottles in our room after hanging out so I broke the bottles and put the crushed glass into a solo cup and had a friend shit in the cup then leaned it up against their door so that when they opened it, it spilled out. They never left trash again.
needing your barber to cut your eyebrows/nose/ear hair
damn this mfer just like me fr
I always wait until the end to ask, but I never need to because my barbers over the years always go "do you want me to clean up those brows?" in a sympathetic tone.
roger scaring the hoes
damn this mfer just like me fr
One time it was just me and one other person—a woman—in the movie theater for Men (2022). The projection was blurry, and even though the movie was in 1.85:1, they had it framed for 2.39:1 but the screen was still masked so the sides were projected onto the curtains. I left 15 minutes into the movie to tell the staff. When I returned, I walked up the few rows behind me to this lone woman to tell her, "I brought it to the attention of the staff. About how badly this is being projected!" and didn't realize until much later in the day how ironic that action was to do during that movie. I am confident that I am a meme in a corner of TikTok that I will never be privy to.
peggy gaining weight
damn this mfer just like me fr
Not pregnant just eating good.
someone snitching to my employer
damn this mfer just like me fr
Back when I used to blog, I got put on "probation" after someone told my bosses that I was writing on company time, and had to refute printed out articles. Also, when a client (my current employer) offered me a job, a person that I was introduced to in passing was subletting office space from my client and knew someone that worked at my agency and it got back to them somehow, and at 3:30PM on a Friday the CEO of the agency cornered me in a conference room to grill me about it before I even had an official offer letter.
peggy ruining the fun at an office party
damn this mfer just like me fr
Ever since I was a little kid, I had wanted my own bowling shoes (once saw a pair on the shelves at a Sports Authority), and bowling ball. In college, I got really into bowling because the alley by my house had an early bird special of $15 for two hours. My housemate and I would each get a lane and have a game going on each for both of us. I decided I would finally buy a ball. I told the guy working in the pro shop I wanted a 12lb ball, and he replied, "No. You want a 14lb ball." He never watched me roll, either, or asked me what features the different balls offered. I ended up spending $350 on a bowling ball that is too heavy, and did not mesh with the way I bowled. I have since learned that what I got was a skid-flip type ball that does a sharp hook instead of a continuous arc. To bowl, I don't even put my thumb in the hole. I have to be all the way to the left and have stupid axis tilt to get it to travel far enough down the lane before it cuts. I hate it, but I spent $350 on it. Anytime I am bowling, I am bringing my own ball, shoes and bag, replete with a tiny Brunswick talcum bag.
We had an office party at a hip bowling alley place that was more Social Gathering than Bowling. The lanes were shorter/more narrow. Anyways, I brought my ball, which is a normal bowling ball, and bowled with it. I was first up, and the ball ended up getting lodged in the return chute. We couldn't bowl for the entire time we had rented and I had to come back the next day to get it because the owner was the only one with the access/ability to fish it out, and they were not there that night.
harold with his pants off at work
damn this mfer just like me fr
In a former life, I designed and installed lighting control systems and home theaters. One of our biggest projects was for a plastic surgeon who had this 10K square foot mansion with a bocce ball court and a boat house with a wench that was 20 yards up a 45º hill. We installed a network camera for him to ensure the construction crews were coming and going as they should. He also had an infinity pool on the edge of the lake, with a tile mosaic table and stools stools in the water.
I had to install the keypads, TVs, program remotes, etc. and for an entire month I would get up at 5AM to get to the office then drive the 90 minutes to the house to work from 7AM to 5PM. All of the construction was done, and the client never visited... a totem husk of affluence... It was just me, 20 pairs of speakers, 8 TVs and an infinity pool. Eventually, I started to unplug the router during my lunch break so he could not see me on the network camera. I would then get butt naked on this man's veranda, and eat my lunch in the infinity pool.
peggy gaining weight
peggy producing a bastard
damn this mfer is not just like me fr
Not eating good, just pregnant.
don realizing that he has forsaken that which is truly important
damn this mfer just like me fr
The fact he recognized the issue means he's fixed; it only took 13 episodes. Can't imagine what the other 79 episodes could possibly be about.
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